When children are happy, they play with abandon. They’re inclined to laugh, dance, sing, joke, and interact with carefree and unrestricted joy.
However, when children are upset, it’s a different scenario. Whether they’re feeling disappointed, frustrated, worried, embarrassed, or something else, being unhappy can gnaw away at their self-confidence and sense of well-being.
There are times when the best course of action is for parents to acquire professional guidance to help a child who is experiencing difficulties and needs assistance. That said, there are some basic support strategies families can draw upon when kids are feeling upset or vulnerable. Encourage children to talk with you (or with someone else they trust), and chat about the tips that follow here.
Suggestions
- Name the feeling. Ask: What is the emotion you’re feeling? Are you sad? Angry? Confused? Naming an emotion helps a child get a handle on it—although some feelings can be hard for them to identify. For example, feeling overwhelmed may not be easy for a child to name. They may think of it as being tired or busy. Be patient and help kids find the words to describe what they’re going through or struggling with. This can provide a starting point for dealing with it. Adults have more fulsome vocabularies and descriptors at their disposal (distraught, overburdened, inundated, engulfed, etc.), so sometimes it can take a while to get the full gist of a child’s concern.
- Pause and Ponder: What do you think caused you to feel this way? Chat together about when the feeling started and why. Adults can also ask the child how the feeling is causing them to act. Do those actions help? For example, is hugging a soft toy comforting? Is pounding a pillow helpful? Does crying make you feel better? It’s okay! Sharing books and stories about children who are experiencing the same kind of emotion that’s been identified can help kids realize they’re not alone in having the triggers or feelings. They can also find out how others have coped with them.
- Calm down. Go slowly—one step at a time. Take deep breaths. Find a quiet space. Stick with what’s soothing for as long as you feel you need to. Perhaps this involves listening to music, playing with a favorite toy, cuddling under a warm blanket, coloring a picture, or sipping cocoa with marshmallows. Allow time for that.
- Stay connected with others. Other people—grown-ups and friends your own age—can help you feel better by cheering you up, by showing you how they’ve overcome such feelings, and by giving you ideas for creative ways to turn things around when you’re feeling upset. (A. A. Milne’s stories about Eeyore, Piglet, Winnie the Pooh, and Tigger convey relatable examples of how friends can help friends. And, author Sandra Boynton’s lively animal characters are always encouraging one another.)
Last Words: Resources
Adults will find abundant resource material for fortifying children’s emotional wellness on my website at www.joannefoster.ca. I’ve written articles and blogs about happiness, flexible pacing, negotiation, hope, reflection, naming emotions, the importance of creative expression, the best kinds of learning environments, the value of connections, and many other topics in support of kids’ emotional well-being. And, I’ve recently added a new BLOG category, Problem Solving.
Plus (exciting news!), my children’s picture book, Grumblesome, is about a little boy with BIG feelings, and how he resolves them. This rhyming story (for children ages 3 to 7 and their families) is vividly illustrated by Brandon Dorman. Readers can follow along as Nat uses reflection, inner strength, problem-solving strategies, and creativity—all of which lead to family harmony and snuggles, too! This uplifting book, published by Gifted Unlimited, will be released November 15th, 2026. (It’s available for pre-order across retail outlets now!)
For anyone who has ever had emotions flare, for those raising children who’ve experienced challenging feelings, and for those who would like additional information about the book (synopsis, advance reviews, order links, FAQs, and more), please visit the Grumblesome page on my website!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Dr. Joanne Foster is a multiple award-winning author. Her expertise in educational psychology, special education, and child development fuels her work, empowering parents and educators, and fostering children’s intelligence, creativity, motivation, and well-being. She’s written countless articles and several books—including Grumblesome, recipient of a Kirkus Starred Review! To learn more about Joanne’s publications, go to https://joannefoster.ca
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Cover image by Pavel Danilyuk
