Pregnancy is a wonderful and terrifying experience. As new parents plan for their growing families, they may have expectations and boundaries they want to implement within their lives. One of the hardest things they face is the anxiety they feel when babies aren’t meeting textbook developmental milestones at the expected times. This anxiety can further lead to social comparison around other parents with babies in the same age range. Worries can start to form that something may be delaying development.
Milestone anxiety is tough to overcome as first-time parents. One of the most important things to keep in mind is that babies develop at their own pace. No baby will meet milestones right at the expected age. Some will develop faster than others, while others will take some additional time. The baby’s experiences and pace of development greatly affect when they hit those milestones. Here are some things to consider about the varying milestone markers.
The temperament of the baby
As the baby grows, parents may notice unique temperaments and behaviors. Some babies may take their time to understand what they want to do, or others may be more adventurous and just go for it. Personality matters.
Multiple languages may impede development
Speech development can be delayed if babies are processing and learning two or more languages at the same time. They take the time to decide how to respond and which language to use with whom.
Milestone charts include ranges for a reason
Developmental milestones vary. It’s not the ages that matter, but that these milestones are eventually met. Babies are not the same, so they won’t learn and develop in the same way. The experiences they have will also play a part in how they learn.
Take anecdotal experiences about development with a grain of salt
Our family members have the best intentions, but they also can conflate their memory of what occurred with our own development and growth at that age. While we may joke around that our children are copies of us, they are different and experience different things than we do. It plays a part in development.
Consider cultural differences
Many of the milestones and developmental charts pediatricians have are based around the dominant culture. This means the charts show what is expected in those cultures, not necessarily yours. The key to remember is that your children more or less follow the chart path. They may not be on the chart lines. For instance, many babies of Asian descent often fall below the growth chart curve. However, they follow the curve and meet expected developmental milestones.
Ultimately, when it comes to milestone anxieties, remember that no two children are alike. While worries about why your baby isn’t like Jane’s baby can feel inevitable, focus on the moments you spend with them. If you have a concern, always address it with your pediatrician; they are your first line of defense for severe issues, developmental delays, and any supportive care you may consider. Many variables can affect why developmental milestones differ, but that doesn’t always mean something is wrong. The takeaway is to remember that babies are unique and will constantly show you how unique and unpredictable they are throughout your life.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Minkyung Chung, LMHC, MS, is a licensed mental health counselor and active counselor on Talkspace. Min is also a part of the Talkspace Council of Mental Health Experts team. She has been practicing and researching within the field for over 13 years. She was influenced by her own experiences in therapy to start the journey as a counselor and has worked to dispel the stigma and negative perceptions held within culturally diverse communities. Her focus has been on working with individuals within the Asian American community, and her research focus has fueled this passion.
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Cover Image by Hartono Subagio
