Whenever an experienced parent comes across a new parent, thoughts flood their mind—memories, advice, appreciation, knowing looks, and smiles. There is so much to share, but often, it goes unsaid because…how much unsolicited new-parent advice can one person handle? Experienced parents mean well, though. Much of the time, they are reminiscing on their own experience. Hospital volunteer Steve Chasin shares what often goes through his mind as he helps mothers to their vehicles after the birth of a new baby.
My primary role as a hospital volunteer is to wheel discharged patients to their waiting cars. I’m always excited when the “patient” is a newly-minted mom with her newborn. During our short stroll through the hospital, every hospital staff member smiles and wishes her well. Many of the lessons from my 70+ years as a parent and grandparent flash before me like neon signs. I am transported back to the fear and joy of the 1980s when I became a new parent, and my children were born. I want to lean over and tell Mom not to fear the realization that this little bundle of humanness is her total responsibility. I want to assure her she won’t lose her “parent” card when she screws up. Her new child will quickly forgive her with a loving look, and her parental protectiveness will kick out the shame of her mistake.
As we continue our walk through the hospital, I relive the events the new mom will face with joy and determination. She will learn to apply first aid with a gentle touch and comforting voice to skinned knees, sprained ankles, and bruised elbows. She will rival James Bond driving an ambulance heading to the Emergency Department with broken bones and serious illness. Once there, Mom will transform into an angel to smother away her child’s fears and pain. We’ve all been there.
Birthday parties, proms, graduations, and marriage mileposts will zoom by for this aspiring parent. Her son or daughter, who was just born, is now celebrating a 10th birthday party with 20 other kids. Between doling out cake and pizza, she will relive the cake icing on her child’s face at their first birthday party and sputter out, “Where did the time go?” Mom will harken back to her child’s superhero Halloween costumes when her teenager walks into the living room wearing a tux or prom dress. They looked adorable then and all grown up now. So where did the time go?
I want to warn Mom about the “2 for 1 rule”: She will need two days to undo the damage from every one day the grandchild stays with the grandparents. Mom will realize, in utter astonishment, that her parents morphed from paragons of thrift and sensibilities to gift and spoiling machines. These once sensible parents, now grandparents, encourage a cookie just before lunch, an extra slice of bacon, or a last piece of candy on their way out the door. This transformation is a medical mystery.
Most of all, I want to reassure the new mother that she will be able to juggle life, careers, and children. There is a reservoir of “Yeses” you can draw down. Call your village of friends, neighbors, grandparents, aunts, and uncles to lend a hand. They will give you as much as they
wish. Equally important, your child will learn new and different ways of thinking and doing from them.
Refuse a promotion to spend more time with the family. Maybe later, this or another promotion will swing around at a better time in your life. Accept a new job or promotion that allows you to provide a better life. This may require new juggling partners, but why lead a stagnant life when you can provide a better one?
Finally, it’s okay to take time alone to recharge. No battery, human or chemical, can last forever. As a recharged parent, you may emerge with unique ideas for your family’s future, renewed enthusiasm for your current life, and new insights about your loved ones or yourself.
These and other ideas flash through my mind at the hospital’s front door. I smile as I wave goodbye because I know she will grow as a parent and person on her new journey.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Steve Chasin is a retired federal employee with four rambunctious grandchildren. His writings encompass professional and personal book reviews and articles in a wide variety of publications. His career highlight was helping staff balance the demands of work and home. In his retired life, he gives tours in a local Richmond museum, volunteers at a local hospital, and runs behind his grandchildren.
Photo by Büşranur Aydın
