Some think gentle parenting is on its way out. Agenia Delouche, PhD, Child and Adolescent Psychologist at Nicklaus Children’s, shares some Gentle Parenting best practices for parents with children at the tricky age range of 2-5.
The term that is heard and receives instant eye rolls. Gentle Parenting is often misunderstood and interpreted as “spoiling” or “coddling,” but the approach is meant to aid parents in raising confident, independent, and emotionally intelligent children. Affecting everything from a child’s academic success to the way they approach life as an adult, parenting styles play an important role in a child’s development. While the parenting style has caused a lot of online discourse, the idea behind it is really to guide children to become self-aware, intrinsically motivated, and respectful individuals through relationship-based guidance without the traditional use of punishment and reward.
Holding Clear Boundaries
Hold clear boundaries and be consistent about what is okay and what is not okay. Boundaries prevent your children from taking advantage of you or manipulating your emotions, allowing you to be appropriately assertive. Following through on your promises and boundaries and letting natural consequences happen when appropriate illustrates to children what happens when they push boundaries. For example, if they do not want to wear their raincoat, they will get wet.
Whenever possible, use positive rather than negative reinforcement and be specific when giving praise and noticing helpful choices. Instead of focusing on what your child did wrong, highlight what they did right. This encourages them to repeat the behaviors you want to see.
Use Calm Authority
Use calm authority when speaking to your children during conflict. Being warm but firm with a confident tone matters. This requires balancing empathy with setting limits. An example phrase would be, “I hear you and understand why you are mad, but I still will not allow that because it is important to keep everyone safe and respected.” It is also important to keep discipline simple in the moment without over-explaining during meltdowns.
Be an Emotional Coach
As children are learning emotional intelligence, an essential part of Gentle Parenting is helping kids name, talk, and work through how they’re feeling. Questions like, “Have you felt this way before?” “What did you do last time this happened?” and “Have you tried this instead?” all guide children to speak up on how they’re feeling after something happens.
Offer age-appropriate choices to give your kid a sense of control and let them feel empowered to make their own decisions. For example, start by letting them choose at a young age whether they want to have snack time before or after you read a book together, and then as they age, widen their decision-making power into tasks like choosing what to wear or what movie to watch.
Model How to Make Things Right
If you lose your cool, model how to make it right. Remember, children learn from observed behavior. For instance, you can sit down after a disagreement to reconnect
with your child, apologizing and explaining what led to your reaction and why it was not appropriate. This not only repairs the parent-child relationship, but it also teaches your child that it is okay to make mistakes. Over time, your child will internalize these steps for their own emotional growth.
Gentle parenting isn’t about being permissive; it’s about being intentional. By holding clear boundaries, using calm authority, coaching your child through their emotions, and
modeling how to make things right, you strengthen your relationship with your child while helping them grow into a confident, responsible, and respectful person.
Having trouble with your young one’s emotions or actions? The Pediatric Psychology team at Nicklaus Children’s uses a multidisciplinary and family-centered treatment approach for a variety of illnesses and conditions. Learn more information at https://www.nicklauschildrens.org/medical-services/psychology.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Dr. Agenia Delouche, PhD, is a Child and Adolescent Psychologist at Nicklaus Children’s.
RELATED ARTICLES
- Beyond Time-Outs: Gentle Discipline Strategies for Neurodivergent Toddlers
- Disciplining a Temperamental Toddler: Why Distraction and Consistency Are Key
- Disciplining Your Child
Cover image by Ron Lach
