What is matrescence?

Motherhood is a journey unlike any other. It is a transformational process of identity that is infused with meaning. It stirs us up, changing every aspect of our life. It opens us to places where we need to heal and in this way offers us potential for spiritual awakening.

Becoming a mother is so much more than the physical changes following childbirth. Moms who adopt or use a surrogate also undergo an invisible process of transformation by stepping into mothering another soul in this human life. We can’t truly understand and acknowledge our experiences as mothers without understanding matrescence.

Though still unknown to most people, the term matrescence was coined in the 1960s by Dana Raphael, an American anthropologist and breastfeeding advocate. She saw the need to rethink beyond the birthing process the way we view how a woman becomes a mother, considering the implications and effective support systems. 

No one tells you that you’ll feel feelings you never expected. Perhaps you’ll have joy and bliss, but you’ll also have despair, fear, dread, sadness, and grief. No matter how many prenatal books you read or how beautifully decorated the nursery is, you can’t mentally and emotionally prepare for your personal transformation into becoming a mother. The changes are subtle and significant. They are nuanced and invisible. They will impact every aspect of your life, and too few mothers know that this process has a name.

Exercise: Reflection on Matrescence

I invite you to pause. Take a deep breath. Find a comfy place for a few moments. I know you’re a busy mama, so there’s no requirement to get out a journal or to take more than five to ten minutes. You might write this down if you’re a journal person (I was before becoming a mom), but you can also just pause, close your eyes after reading each question, and bring your attention inward with a curiosity as you reflect on the questions below.

1. If you didn’t know about matrescence before reading this chapter, what thoughts and feelings came up for you with this new concept as a way to interpret and understand your journey of motherhood up until now?
2. Now that you understand matrescence, do you see, feel, or interpret your experiences differently? How?
3. How has your identity shifted since becoming a mother?
4. Have there been any surprises in motherhood—things you didn’t expect or anticipate? Maybe things you wish you knew?
5. What emotions have you noticed during motherhood? Grief, anger, sadness, love, joy, fear, anxiety, confusion, disappointment? There are no wrong answers. All feelings are welcome—they all make sense in matrescence.
6. What ways have old wounds, small-t traumas, or big-T traumas impacted your experience of pregnancy, birth, motherhood, and parenting?

Now, dear mama, give yourself a loving embrace in your mind, or literally wrap your arms around yourself and squeeze. Or you might place your hand on your heart and say, “I’m here. I’m listening,” or “I care.” Take a few slow, deep breaths, and notice how that feels in your body. Now I invite you to do something soothing and caring for yourself. You deserve it!

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