Parenting can be stressful, but what if you also have chronic stress? What changes occur in your nervous system when you are under chronic stress? And, what impact does this have on you and your child? We asked Dr. Katelyn Lehman, a clinical psychologist and the founder of Quantum Clinic, how chronic stress can affect the parental nervous system.
Q: Dr. Katelyn, I’ve heard that chronic stress doesn’t just affect our mood — it can actually rewire the brain and nervous system. As a parent, what does that mean for me and my child?
A Nervous System Built for Connection
You’re right — stress is not only emotional; it’s physiological. The nervous system is designed to keep us safe and connected. When we feel secure, our body’s “social engagement system” (driven by the vagus nerve and heart-brain communication) keeps us calm, attuned, and responsive to our children. In these states, our voices soften, our eyes brighten, and our bodies radiate safety.
But when chronic stress takes hold, this system shifts. Instead of resting in states of connection, the nervous system adapts to a world that feels threatening. The stress response — fight, flight, freeze, or collapse — becomes the default setting. Parents may notice themselves more irritable, checked out, or exhausted, not because they don’t love their child, but because their biology is stuck in survival mode.
How Stress Rewires the Brain-Body Connection
Stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline aren’t “bad” — they’re essential for short-term survival. But chronic exposure alters the architecture of the brain. The amygdala, our threat-detection center, grows more sensitive; the prefrontal cortex, which governs empathy, planning, and emotional regulation, becomes less accessible.
In the body, heart rate variability (HRV) — a key measure of adaptability and resilience — often drops under chronic stress. Low HRV means less flexibility in shifting between states of calm and activation. For parents, that translates into feeling “stuck on high alert” or “stuck on empty.” Over time, the nervous system literally repatterns itself toward vigilance rather than openness.
This rewiring doesn’t stop at the individual level. Because the parent and child nervous systems are deeply interconnected, stress in one system reverberates in the other.
Attachment and Co-Regulation: The Hidden Wiring Between Parent and Child
Parenting is not just about what we say or do — it’s about how our nervous system communicates safety (or lack thereof) to our child. This happens through a process called co-regulation. When a parent holds a baby skin-to-skin, breathes slowly while soothing, or meets the child’s gaze with warmth, the child’s nervous system takes cues from the parent’s rhythms.
But under chronic stress, a parent’s ability to co-regulate becomes compromised. Stress patterns can lead to shorter tempers, distracted presence, or emotional numbness. Babies and children, highly sensitive to these cues, may mirror the parent’s dysregulation — becoming clingy, anxious, or withdrawn. In essence, the parent’s nervous system sets the “background music” for the child’s emotional world.
Stress in Pregnancy: The Nervous System Begins Before Birth
This rewiring isn’t just postnatal. The seeds of nervous system development begin in the womb. By the second trimester, a fetus can detect maternal stress hormones crossing the placenta. Research shows that high maternal cortisol levels can influence fetal brain development — particularly in regions tied to emotion regulation and stress reactivity.
This doesn’t mean that a stressed pregnancy “dooms” a child — far from it. Human systems are incredibly adaptive and resilient. But it does mean that tending to the parental nervous system is part of tending to a child’s nervous system — even before birth.
Breaking the Cycle: Stress, Healing, and Nondual Awareness
The good news? Brains and bodies are plastic. The same way stress can rewire us toward survival mode, intentional practices can rewire us back toward connection.
- Breath and Coherence – Slow, heart-centered breathing helps support vagal tone and rebalance the stress response. As HRV rises, parents regain access to calm, patience, and playfulness.
- Relational Repair – It’s not about never rupturing; it’s about repairing. Saying, “I was stressed and I snapped — can we try again?” teaches children resilience and models emotional honesty.
- Embodied Rest – Practices like floatation REST, mindfulness, or even simple stillness allow the nervous system to reset. Parents often underestimate how much restoration they need to show up fully.
- Nondual Presence – Beyond techniques, there’s a deeper truth: you and your child are not separate nervous systems bumping into each other. You are participants in a shared field of awareness. When you shift your inner state, the whole relational field shifts. Healing is not something you impose; it emerges naturally when coherence is restored.
A Final Word for Parents
If you’ve noticed that chronic stress has left you more reactive than you’d like, know this: it is not a personal failing. It is your biology adapting to overwhelm. And because the nervous system is adaptive, it can also heal.
Parenting in today’s world comes with unprecedented stressors — economic, ecological, and social. But just as chronic stress rewires us toward survival, conscious practices of rest, repair, and presence can rewire us back toward love.
When you breathe with awareness, when you pause instead of react, when you offer yourself the compassion you long to give your child, you are not just healing yourself. You are rewriting the story of connection for generations to come.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Dr. Katelyn Lehman is a clinical psychologist and the founder of Quantum Clinic, where she pioneers coherence-based approaches to mental health and whole-person healing. With years of clinical experience and research expertise, she integrates psychology, neurocardiology, and trauma-informed care to help individuals restore balance and resilience. She also leads The Coherence Journey, an online program that guides people in cultivating heart-brain alignment, emotional well-being, and sustainable transformation. Connect further on LinkedIN, Facebook, or Instagram @drkatelynlehman @quantumclinicusa.
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